Every man has a story to tell, as does the vehicle they happen to drive. So it makes perfect sense that the type of vehicle you own represents the type of person you are. After all, you just didn’t head to the dealership and flip a coin to see what type of vehicle you were going to buy. Not at all, your decision was one that took time and very careful consideration.

There are, of course, variables that may be out of control. For example, you might really want to drive the Hummer or BMW off the lot but lack the financial power to do so. You may also be restricted on what type of vehicle you buy because of the type of job you have. After all, it is quite difficult to haul 2x4s around in a Mini Cooper if you happen to be a construction contractor.

That said, it is likely that if you are in construction, you would favor a pickup truck anyway. Just as if you enjoy 4 wheel driving, you probably aren’t a huge fan of low-riding cars. And if you like going 4 wheeling, you bring along a best portable air compressor, because you are smart as well as adventurous.

Now, we aren’t trying to be too judgmental here as we present you with this list of personalities based on what you drive. Who are we kidding, we are being totally judgmental and loving every minute of it. Do, however, know that we are presenting this tongue-in-cheek and don’t get all hurt and go home crying to mommy if you disagree with our assessment. We are talking specifically to those gentlemen who drive Volkswagen Beetles of course. Men who drive Hyundai Elantras don’t fare much better we are afraid.

Muscle Cars

If you drive a muscle car, you probably love automotive history and are very familiar with terms like camshaft, headers and postreaction. You probably do most repairs to your muscle car yourself because you are well-versed in the function of the gasoline engine. Besides, you don’t trust just any ordinary mechanic to rebuild the Holly 650 double-pump carburetor in your Chevy Camaro. You love the smell of burning rubber in the morning, want anything chrome plated for Christmas and secretly spritz WD40 on the back of your wife’s neck because the smell really turns you on. That, or you are a huge tool who just thinks he looks cool in a muscle car.

Minivan

If you drive a minivan, you probably know the cartoon lineup on Nickelodeon, shop at Toys-R-Us and spend your free time wishing you had paid more attention in your high school sex education classes. Of course, you could also be a family man who adores his wife, loves his children and chose a minivan over an SUV for purely financial reasons. Driving a minivan doesn’t make you any less of a man, in some cases, it makes you even more of a man. Well, perhaps in some cases.

Sports Car

Men who own sports cars drive just for the sake of driving. They are the type of people who will drive 60 miles to hit an Applebee’s even though there is one less than five miles from your house. When you go for a drive, you don’t measure by distance, but from the number of laps it would have been had you been on a track.

You might be a kid with wealthy parents or you could be an older gentleman who saved up for years to buy your dream car. This means you are frugal and good with money. Of course, your dream sports car could also be a reflection of what you once had, good looks, sleek body and a full head of hair. That’s right, some sports car owners are suffering a Tire Inflator.

Full-Sized Pickup Truck

If you own a full-sized pickup truck, you are just a dumb American, probably a redneck, who eats Big Macs from McDonald’s at least four times a week, watches Nascar all weekend and changes jobs every six months. Perhaps you are the truck owner who thinks themselves as a bold and brash man and their truck reflects their masculinity. They buy the truck with the biggest payload but have no idea what that even means. More realistically, truck owners are hard-working men who need a truck as hard-working as they are. They know how useful trucks are and know they need one to get the job done.

Luxury Car

Men who drive luxury cars are status seekers, but also highly educated and have plenty of disposable income. They are also workaholics who are very independent and don’t let others tell them what to do.

Sedan

If you drive a sedan, you value safety, reliability and a reasonable price. You love the carpool lane and you named your kids dead common names like Robert, Paul and Karen. You also spend your weekends mowing the lawn, washing the windows on the house and going grocery shopping; you know, practical things.

Full-Size SUV

If you own a full-size SUV, you probably own a mountain bike which you attach to the bike rack on the back of the vehicle. You have never ridden the mountain bike, it’s only there for looks. You need the full-sized SUV so you can carry all of your camping equipment, even though you haven’t been camping in 14 years. If you are feeling a little flushed after reading this, it is probably because we were dead on.

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